I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
