The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
