whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
