i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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