i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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