just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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