hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
