I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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