This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's blow job season.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
