The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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