the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
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