come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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