Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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