I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
