when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
as a side note pls kill me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
