i'm signing you up for texting rehab
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
