I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
