How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
