That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
