Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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