Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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