Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
