he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
