I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
