Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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