i need an iv and a liver transplant
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
