haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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