I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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