Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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