We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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