I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
