I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
