Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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