I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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