Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
