Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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