My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
