I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
