she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
