"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
