i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
