No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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