My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
