ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
