nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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