I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
