Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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