I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
