i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry about my life...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
