I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize