ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
