Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
