She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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