I hate all girls vehemently.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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