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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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