Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
