were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
