I'm going to jail i love you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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