Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
