who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
