Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
