If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
