You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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