We're facebook friends in real life
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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