I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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