Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
